Jim Gaffigan's 'Dad Is Fat' is packed with dark parental humor ...

The night my wife and I brought our prematurely born daughter home from the hospital in 1998, I fell asleep with the baby in my arms.

In a recliner. In suburban Chicago mid-March. In a poorly heated family room addition to our house. When I woke up, freezing, she was no longer in my arms but lying beside me, uncovered, in the oversize chair.

She was fine, but that?s when I realized that I had no business being a parent ? and she was our second child.

I had pretty much blocked out the incident until I began to read ?Dad Is Fat.? The new collection of essays on children and parenting from comedian Jim Gaffigan hit bookstore shelves this week.

My kids are older than Gaffigan?s count-?em five, but leafing through the titles of his pieces gave me the kinds of flashbacks I imagine men of my own father?s generation experienced after coming home from war: ?On the Road Again,? ?You Win, McDonald?s,? ?My Former Bed,? ?Negotiating With Terrorists? and ?Oh My God, You?re Pregnant??

The essays are bite-size. If you have babies, you know this is perfect because you?re only going to have time to knock out one or two of them between feedings, burpings, diaper changes, baths, feedings, burpings and diaper changes. Did I mention diaper changes?

Gaffigan, now touring to support the book, had rejected previous book offers.

?I didn?t want to use a ghostwriter,? he said. ?I didn?t want to just cash in and publish my act. I wanted to do something that had some weight ? that if my kids, in 10 years, pick it up, they?ll think it?s funny and it?s insightful and it?s honest.?

?Dad Is Fat? is all those things.

It begins with a letter to his kids: ?Dear Children, I am your dad. The father of all five of you pale creatures. Given how attractive and fertile your mother is, there may be more of you by the time you read this book. If you are reading this, I am probably dead. I would assume this because I can honestly foresee no other situation where you?d be interested in anything I?ve done. ? I?m kidding, of course. Kind of. I love you with all of my heart, but you are probably the reason I?m dead.?

Gaffigan goes on about the kids? mother, his wife and writing partner, Jeannie: ?At one point, I was afraid she got pregnant while she was pregnant. Don?t think about it. It will give you the willies.?

He apologizes for yelling at the kids and doing ?that loud clapping thing with my hands? ? he hated when his own father would do it. ?It pains me in many ways. Most of the pain is because that loud, clapping thing actually hurts my hands.?

Speaking of his father, one of the book?s most poignant essays is ?My Dad, the Professional Wrestler.? Gaffigan and I share Midwestern upbringings in Catholic, six-child families, and it resonated.

Gaffigan was determined to avoid the parenting mistakes made by his own father, whom he describes as a not-great dad who probably tried his best. Remembering him ?in mythical proportions,? Gaffigan was amazed, entertained and frustrated by his dad, but also fearful:

?My father?s size was not overwhelming, but his presence was enormous. He could shake a room with a never-ending pause. He could cut my knees out with his evil eye. I could feel the vibrations from him walking on those heavy heels, smell his cigarette in the air, and suddenly fear would fill my stomach.?

His dad wasn?t mean, though, and Gaffigan concludes that it?s unfair to judge him only by his dark side. ?He taught me many things and gave me a work ethic that made me who I am today,? he writes, ?a guy who would throw his own father under the bus in a book about parenting.?

Gaffigan is amused that some readers will surely take his sarcastic comments on ?the prison sentence that is parenthood? as anti-family. ?When you are handed your screaming newborn for the first time,? he writes, ?you are simultaneously handed a license for gallows humor.?

?Dad Is Fat? has that in spades. While it would make a terrific gift for expectant first-time parents, it?s a fine read for anyone who has children or has ever been one.

Source: http://www.kansascity.com/2013/05/15/4234985/jim-gaffigans-dad-is-fat-is-packed.html

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